Imperfectly Yours Read online

  ​“Liz? How’s she doing?”

  ​“Married with three children now, it seems.”

  ​“What? Wow, I’m so happy for her. My mother told me she ran away.”

  ​“Yeah, I was heartbroken when she did, but I knew it was for the best. My mother suffocated her.”

  ​“Did you know she was running away?”

  ​“She talked about it. She never really had a normal childhood, always having to watch over me. Then when I got old enough to take care of myself, my mother and sister butted heads on everything. They fought all the time about curfews and the disrespect. I never blamed her for leaving. I want to see her again so badly.”

  ​“Call her.”

  ​“I will when we get back. I’m so excited now.”

  ​“I think this is the happiest I have seen you.”

  ​We packed up our stuff and the tent. I went to the office and checked out while Caroline freshened up. I grabbed myself a coffee and an orange juice again for Caroline. We drove a couple of hours until I was too hungry to drive anymore. We stopped at some breakfast chain I had never heard of and I laughed when Caroline ordered Eggs Benedict. I ordered a little bit of everything.

  ​“See the influence you have on me? Breakfast isn’t so bad.”

  ​“I’m a very good influence.”

  ​“Actually, you are. I haven’t had one drink since we left.”

  ​“It hasn’t even been forty-eight hours, Caroline.”

  ​“It’s a start.”

  ​“Well at least you know you have a drinking problem.”

  ​“Isn’t a problem for me.”

  ​“Do we need to go down that road again?”

  ​“Nope, nope.”

  ​“Good.”

  ​I swiped the check before Caroline could get it and paid the bill.

  ​“Let’s go, almost home,” I said. We hopped into the truck and drove. “Why do you drink to get drunk anyway?”

  ​“A lot of reasons,” she replied.

  ​“We have time.”

  ​“Oh, for starters I don’t want to fail. I want to prove my parents wrong since they think I’m a failure, but what if they are right? So, I drink because I’m afraid they are going to be right. I guess it numbs those dreadful thoughts. Drinking helps me fall asleep. Um…I get drunk because I don’t feel like I fit in with society. I have no ties to anyone. I could literally just pack my bags today and be perfectly fine leaving and never coming back. There’s Facebook, Twitter and all those other stupid social medias where everyone fights to be heard. I’m the complete opposite. I just want to crawl under a rock and never come out.”

  ​“Seriously?”

  ​“I’m not depressed. I just don’t feel like I belong in this generation. The fast pace, the big house and big mortgage to match it. The two cars, credit card debt galore, but oh no, you look good to everyone else. On the inside you are financially suffocating. Fake, it’s all fake. I just want a tiny shack in the middle of nowhere with a garden where I can pick all the vegetables. I’ll can any excess to eat during the winter months. I want to cook all my own meals, no microwave crap. I want some chickens, so I can collect their fresh eggs.”

  ​“Wow, that’s a tall order.”

  ​“Yeah and quite the opposite from where I’m hopefully about to be soon.”

  ​“And where’s that?”

  ​“Next month I’ll start applying to big fancy jobs where I trade in my beloved sneakers for high heels.”

  ​“You will not. You hate high heels.”

  ​“I will too. You watch and see.”

  ​“And not be happy?”

  ​“What’s the difference, I’m not happy anyway.”

  ​I thought about Caroline’s words the entire rest of the ride home. I too could relate. Now more than ever did I feel like I didn’t belong in this generation. So much was changing so fast and I wasn’t ready for it.

  ​“You can drop me off at the woodshop,” Caroline said when we turned onto our road.

  ​“Why?”

  ​“I want to see our garden.”

  ​When I parked, she hopped out and headed towards the garden. I went inside the woodshop to call my sister.

  ​“Hello?”

  ​“Liz! It’s Corey.”

  ​“Corey!” she managed to get out before I heard sobs coming from the other line.

  ​“I haven’t heard from you in years, Liz. I miss you so much!”

  ​“I know. Mom is a complete idiot. She was always giving me the wrong address. Every piece of mail I ever tried to send you got sent back.”

  ​“Well, where are you? Mom says California. Can I come see you?”

  ​“I would love that,” she said, continuing to cry.

  ​“Tomorrow? I’ll leave tomorrow if you let me.”

  ​“Yes.”

  ​“Text me your address, I’ll buy a ticket tonight. So how you been? Mom says you have three kids now. I want to meet them.”

  ​I listened to Liz as I watched Caroline. What on earth was she doing? She was down on her hands and knees picking at the dirt. She crawled like a baby around the raised bed to another garden box. I stood there trying to keep up with my phone conversation.

  ​“I have to go, tomorrow I am on a plane. I am coming to see you, Liz!”

  ​“Send me your itinerary. The airport isn’t far from my house, I will pick you up. Oh, I’m so excited. This feels like Christmas!”

  ​“I love you, Liz.”

  ​“I love you too, Corey, so much!”

  ​I opened the door to the woodshop and stepped out.

  ​“Corey, they’re sprouting, almost all of them!”

  ​“I didn’t know what on earth you were doing,” I said walking towards her. “What are you doing?”

  ​“I planted two seeds in each hole, remember?”

  ​“Yeah. Why?”

  ​“In case one didn’t sprout. I didn’t want it to be a waste of a hole, so if both of them sprouted, I’m picking one off. It’s called thinning.”

  ​“Oh. Well, guess what?”

  ​She stood up smiling at me.

  ​“What?”

  ​“I’m going to California. I leave tomorrow.”

  ​“For how long?”

  ​“I don’t know yet, but I’m so excited.”

  ​“That’s awesome,” she said, her whole demeanor changing.” I better go get ready for work.”

  ​“What? You said noon. You have an hour left. Don’t you want to finish doing whatever you were doing?”

  ​“I’ll finish tomorrow,” she replied, walking to the truck, grabbing her stuff and walking home. She was just happy and now seemed frustrated again. If she was mad about California, well, I haven’t seen my sister in some time. She should be happy for me. This is why I found women so frustrating. She didn’t own me. I could do whatever I pleased.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  Caroline

  And just like that, he was leaving. This was my biggest fear, that I would invest my time into him again and he would leave just like last time, shut me out. Of course I was happy for him. I just wanted to be a part of his happiness. I had no right to be upset, but like it or not, I was.

  ​When I walked through the door, my mom asked me fifty or so questions pertaining to my trip to New Hampshire. I tried to be as enthusiastic answering as she was about asking, but I was never good at small talk. At least she was trying. It was a lot more than what I could say for my father who always had his damn nose in that darn television.

  ​I went to work miserable and tried desperately to pretend I was back in New Hampshire walking the river and not waiting on people who were too lazy to cook for themselves. After all, they kept me employed. My tips for the night were decent and probably would have been better if I smiled more. Shame on me.

  ​When I arrived back home, I literally opened the door and walked into a pile of chaos. What my mother said to my father or what my father said to
my mother, I hadn’t a clue. They were talking so fast, spit flying out of both their mouths. I saw glass all over the floor and the curtain rod dangling on the window. Neither of them even noticed my presence. I closed the door and walked straight to the woodshop. Corey was there like he usually was now, but I wasn’t up for conversing.

  I quietly walked past the shop and stopped to look at my garden. It made me smile. I stood there for a moment, wondering how long it would take for my parents to cool off. The flood light from the top of the woodshop made it so half of the treehouse was in view. I’d go to the treehouse tonight.

  ​I pulled down the rope ladder and climbed up with my bag on my right shoulder and my phone in my mouth. Yuck, this place was disgusting. I used a stick to get rid of all the cobwebs and then used it as a broom to sweep out the leaves and pine needles. I thought this place was so big growing up, but as I climbed into it and laid down, it was rather small. I used my bag as a pillow, realizing the jab in the back of my head was one of my nips. I took them out, I had three left. I tossed them all back. Maybe I could get some sleep now.

  ​Just when I was about to fall asleep, a noise startled me. I shot right up, my heart pounding out of my chest.

  ​“How the hell did you get up this thing?” I heard Corey ask. I peered down through the hole in the floor to see Corey coming up. I laid back down, away from him. I just wanted to be left alone.

  ​“What in God’s name are you doing up here?”

  ​“I couldn’t sleep.”

  ​“There are now two beds in the woodshop which I never did ask you how you got.”

  ​He squeezed in next to me.

  ​“This is tiny up here, looks much bigger on the outside,” he went on.

  ​“What do you want?”

  ​“Oh, a party,” he said tossing my nips aside. “How bad tonight?”

  ​“9-1-1 bad. Broken glass and both screaming.”

  ​“So, what’d you do?”

  ​“Walked out the way I came in,” I replied miserably. “I literally stepped one foot in and decided nope, not dealing with it.”

  ​“Why don’t you just move in with me? It’s the same shit every night. Why put yourself through that torture?”

  ​“You?” I sat up and faced him. “Because I don’t know if you’re coming or going.”

  ​His silence answered my question. He wasn’t coming. The woodshop was just a stepping stone until he got to his next place in life, whatever that was.

  ​“Well, I’m not letting you sleep up here.”

  ​“How’d you know I was even up here? I left the ladder down, didn’t I?”

  ​“I saw you looking at the garden. I watched you climb up here.”

  ​“Can’t you just go away?”

  ​“No, I didn’t do anything to you this time. I can drag you down or you can come willingly.”

  ​“Err, you are so infuriating! Half the time I want to punch you in the face. The other half I think we could stay friends forever.”

  ​“Ditto, let’s go.” He grabbed my bag and threw it down through the hole.

  ​“What the heck? What if I had something breakable in there?”

  ​“You don’t. Let’s go!” I went down the ladder and it took all my strength not to wrestle him like when we were kids. He wasn’t my father. I wasn’t a damn child. I wanted to upper cut him or throw him to the ground. Screw it! I turned around like a mad woman and charged towards him. I had that look and he knew just what I was going to do. He laughed out loud, throwing up his hands in surrender and I knocked him to the ground. I straddled him and pinned his arms above his head.

  ​“What are you going to do? You have nothing.”

  ​“I want to gouge your eyes out.”

  ​“You wouldn’t and besides, I’m so much stronger than you. This isn’t like when we were kids anymore.”

  ​I wound up my elbow and jabbed it into his ribs.

  ​“What are you poking, a marshmallow? Hit me like you mean it.”

  ​I wound up my fist and headed towards his face. He caught my hand with his just before I made contact.

  ​“You were going to punch me? You really were. You’re a wild woman!”

  ​I looked at him smiling. He was certainly amused and I had lost my motivation to beat him up. He was right, he was letting me pin his arms down. I had no hold over him. How could I love and hate someone so much and all at the same time? I jumped up and walked towards the woodshop.

  ​“What? That’s it?”

  ​“Watch it, Corey.”

  ​He caught up to me and grabbed my arm, tugging at my hand and placing something in it.

  ​“What’s this?”

  ​“The key to the house. The alarm pin is 4321. Stay there while I’m gone.”

  ​I didn’t say a word. I walked through the door to the woodshop and noticed Corey had started putting up insulation and sheetrock.

  ​“Wow, this is amazing!”

  ​“Yeah, I don’t know much about electrical, so I might need to call someone in, but I finished where I want everything today and ran the wire for it. Insulation is all done and sheetrock is a bitch to put up by yourself.”

  ​“I’ll help you, you know that.”

  ​“You were just going to gouge my eyes out. Thanks, but no thanks.”

  ​I went to him and put my head on his shoulder.

  ​“Sorry. You just know how to set me off.”

  ​“It doesn’t take much sometimes.”

  ​“I’m trying.”

  ​“Me too. I’ll stay here with you tonight,” he said shrugging off his shirt and throwing it, “if that’s okay with you.”

  ​I looked at his body, his lean cut muscles and wondered if he still worked out. He had a tattoo on the side of his torso. I couldn’t make out what it was though. I could see two indentations in the shape of a V leading down to his groin. He was so sexy. I was gawking now.

  ​“Caroline?”

  ​My eyes snapped back up to meet his. “Yes?”

  ​“Cool if I stay?”

  ​“Oh, yeah,” I said hoping he didn’t notice I was totally checking out his amazing, hot body. I could use a fan right about now to cool off.

  ​I watched him take his pants off and toss them in the direction of his shirt. I couldn’t help but stare at his prosthetic leg. I had never seen anything like it before.

  ​“Does it hurt? Your leg?”

  ​“No, not at all.”

  ​I continued to stare, trying to figure out how it stayed attached to his body.

  ​“Don’t feel bad for me, it’s just a scratch compared to some of the others. I have my life, my hearing and my vision. Hell, if you’re looking at me fully clothed you would never even know.”

  ​I nodded my head, finding it hard to believe Corey held such a positive disposition about losing a vital limb.

  ​“Is that why you wear pants in the summertime?”

  ​“Maybe, not consciously though. I guess it would bother me if people stared or asked me what happened. It’s just such a horrible part of my past that I would like to forget.”

  ​ “I think you are the most human person I have ever known.”

  ​“What does that even mean?”

  ​“In the raw, you are incredibly brave. I wish this world had more people like you in it.”

  ​“Caroline, is that you?”

  ​“Shut up! I’m trying to be sincere.”

  ​“So, the second bed?”

  ​“It was upstairs too, probably your parents’ old beds or something.”

  ​“I don’t know, maybe his and his friends. My mom said my dad spent a lot of time down here with his drinking buddy, or so she called him. She still won’t say his name. She blames him for the accident.”

  ​Now more than ever, I was tempted to ask Corey about the death of his father. After giving it a second thought, I chickened out.

  ​“I can imagine it is hard for her to let go of the pai
n from losing him. Her life would have been so different.”

  ​“Yeah.”

  ​I placed my bag on the floor and laid down facing him.

  ​“Well, I’m serious. I don’t want you up there, it’s not safe. I have to re-do that staircase and then we’ll go up.”

  ​“Okay.”

  ​We fell asleep in the twin beds. I found it all too amusing that this is where I was in my life, but I loved every minute of it. We were down here in the woods, away from the world. It crossed my mind a thousand times that it would end and soon. I just didn’t know when.

  ​I woke up to Corey yelling.

  ​“No, please, nooo…”

  ​I ran to him, he was sweating. Shit!

  ​“Corey,” I said shaking his shoulder, “wake up!”

  ​He sat up gasping for air. I practically jumped out of my skin. I had never seen or heard anything like it.

  ​“Are you okay? Please tell me you’re okay!”

  ​“I’m fine,” he said panting, “just another nightmare. Sorry.”

  ​“What the hell did this war do to you?” I asked, but he didn’t respond. I went to my bed and dragged it up to his, pushing our mattresses together. He was already lying in bed facing away from me when I got back underneath my blanket. It was hot and I was sticky, but I couldn’t sleep without a blanket covering my entire body. I fell back asleep holding the man I thought I was totally falling for, but not at all convinced that letting myself fall was a good idea.

  ​“Caroline,” I heard. I opened up my eyes, but it was still dark out.

  ​“What?”

  ​“I’m leaving now. My flight leaves in a couple of hours,” Corey whispered.

  ​I felt the urge to tell him not to go, but that was my selfish side speaking.

  ​“Okay.”

  ​“I’ll see you when I get back.”

  ​“You promise you’re coming back?”

  ​“I promise,” he said softly feeling for my hand. He grabbed it and kissed it reassuring me of his words. The gesture sent shivers up my spine.

  ​The moon cast light through the giant window and I could see him move about the woodshop, grabbing his bag and leaving through the door. I heard him start his truck, back it up and he was gone. I laid there and cried. I had this awful feeling he wasn’t going to come back. I tossed and turned until the sun came up.