Imperfectly Yours Read online

  I sat up and looked around thinking about all the memories this place held. It was on that side deck I was running from the neighbor’s dog and fell through a rotten board right into a wasp nest. And the window, it’s a replacement. Corey had this great idea to throw rocks at a giant bee’s nest and I missed which shattered the window. The look on my dad’s face when Corey’s mom called, that was not a good day.

  ​I stood up and looked at the pile of dirt still outside the woodshop, untouched. That’s where Corey and I would trade our baseball cards. I’ve walked so far back down memory lane, I don’t even remember who I was before Corey came back into my life. That’s a good thing. I was lonely, so lonely. I never realized how much until now.

  ​I tried to busy myself all week by taking care of the garden. One day I climbed up the death trap of a staircase and collected all the bottles. I used an old gutter to send them down one by one onto the mattresses. I’d let Corey think long and hard about how I managed to get them all down. I ventured down to his house, unlocked the door, punched the code into the security system and let the bottles soak in the sink. They were beautiful, different shapes and colors. I enjoyed them as a kid, but my admiration for them had certainly grown since those days.

  ​A memory jogged my mind, of a photograph that once sat on the counter in the kitchen. It was a photograph of Corey and me. I remember he went to show me and it slid behind the wooden backsplash. He didn’t want to tell his mother for fear she would get upset. I sat up on the counter and used the flashlight on my phone to peer down the crack. I worked my way up the wall until I spotted what I thought could be it. I’d need something to pull the piece of wood from the wall, maybe a crowbar or a hammer.

  ​I walked back down to the woodshop in search of some tools. It was there, in Corey’s tool bag, that I found the picture of him on top of his father’s shoulders. He still had it, after all these years. It was certainly torn in all of the corners, but there they were, with their megawatt smiles. I grabbed what I needed and headed back to the house.

  ​I didn’t want to scratch the wall or dent the wooden piece of backsplash, so I tried my best to pop it out. I could see the picture all right, but I couldn’t reach it, certainly not with my fingers. I jumped down and fished around in the drawers in search of a knife. I finally found a steak knife and busied myself again trying to get the picture. Just when I was certain the wood was going to snap from my bending, I grabbed the picture and worked it up the wall. I snatched it and had a look. There was Corey and me sitting on top of a truck. I remember the truck belonged to one of his mom’s guy friends. We had these goofy smiles on our faces. We had to be about five in the picture.

  ​I jumped off the counter and stepped back. I hammered the nail back in and stepped back again. Nobody would ever notice I was even here. I shoved the picture into my back pocket and stood at the counter for quite some time washing the bottles. When I was done, I brought the bottles back to the woodshop and put them up on a shelf next to the window. Corey wouldn’t miss seeing them there.

  ​The next day I took Corey’s picture to a store that printed photographs. They did just about everything you could think of with a picture. I told the lady how precious the photo was, the only one my friend had of him and his father. She suggested making it into a puzzle, but I couldn’t see Corey making a puzzle. I settled for an eight by ten canvas print. It was expensive, but worth every penny if Corey liked it.

  ​I went back the next day to retrieve it. When the woman brought it out, tears sprung to my eyes.

  ​“Do you like it?” she asked.

  ​“Like it? I love it! It’s so special.” I thanked her so many times, I lost count. She matched my enthusiasm by giving me a hug before I left. I wondered how many of her customers got hugs.

  ​I returned to the woodshop, found a random nail on the ground and used it to hang my present for Corey. I stood there and admired the photo again. Corey was holding a banana up in the air. I remember his family nickname was monkey because all he ever wanted to eat was bananas.

  I placed the picture back in his tool bag, hoping he wouldn’t mind I went snooping and found it. It had been a week since he left and I really missed him.

  ****

  ​It was Saturday night, my tip night and I was in a really good mood from the special things I had done for Corey this past week. It got busy earlier than usual, which threw me off a little, and then in walked the owner’s son, Emanuel. He was a sleazeball with all the young girls, whispering inappropriate stuff in our ears or grabbing at us like some piece of meat. I was incredibly happy it was a Saturday, which meant I wouldn’t have time for his antics.

  ​He grabbed my arm on my way to the kitchen to retrieve some drinks.

  ​“How about a drink when I get off or you going to continue to be a dick tease?”

  ​“I don’t tease, Emanuel, but I do grab drinks for paying customers.”

  ​“I’ll grab them for you if you let me grab your ass,” he said, smirking. He reached behind me and squeezed my butt.

  ​“What do you think you’re doing,” I heard from behind me. I turned to see Corey, instantly wondering how much he saw.

  ​“Hey! When did you get into town?”

  ​“Who’s this?” Emanuel asked.

  ​“My friend,” I replied.

  ​“Lucky guy. I’ve been trying to get Caroline to be my friend for quite some time,” Emanuel said, running his fingertip over my shoulder. I wanted to punch him in the face.

  ​“Maybe if you knew how to treat a lady,” Corey snarked.

  ​“Corey, not tonight. It’s Saturday, my section is full. I’ll see you when I get out,” I said.

  ​“What she really means is she’ll see you after she sees me,” Emanuel said. I knew it was about to get ugly. I saw Corey’s fist tighten and I grabbed him by the shoulders and pushed him backwards towards the front door of the restaurant.

  ​“Don’t make a scene, please,” I begged.

  ​“That piece of shit just grabbed your ass.”

  ​“That piece of shit is the owner’s son.”

  ​“Fuck the both of them, Caroline. You’re better than this serving food and drinks bullshit.”

  ​“Go!” I yelled louder than what I intended to. I noticed people were starting to look at us. I opened up the front door and pushed him through it until we were outside.

  ​“I know you’re mad. Be mad all you want, but not here and not right now! I’m off in an hour, so I’ll see you then.” I saw him looking through the front of the restaurant at Emanuel, who was already stalking his next prey.

  ​“Okay?” I asked after I wasn’t convinced he was going to leave. He walked to his truck, opened his door and slammed it shut. I watched him back up and leave the restaurant. I ran back in knowing now I would have to play catch up. I struggled to remember what the hell I was doing before Corey appeared. I went to the kitchen.

  ​“These mine?” I asked one of the chefs in the kitchen.

  ​“They’re cold now. They were up five minutes ago.”

  ​“Shoot! Sorry, won’t happen again.” I knew my tips would certainly suffer tonight. I didn’t see Emanuel for the rest of the night; scumbag. Thank God he didn’t pay us a visit too often. I clocked out and drove straight to the woodshop. I slammed my car door shut and stomped up to the door. I was sick and tired of Corey acting like my bodyguard.

  ​“What the hell was that about? I just had to give that guy a blow job so I could keep my fucking job!”

  ​He stood up, “That better be a sick joke, Caroline.”

  ​“You’re lucky you didn’t get me fired!”

  ​“That guy is lucky his face didn’t meet my fist. How could you take that from him? That’s sexual harassment and it’s not okay!”

  ​“What the hell do you care? I’m not yours; you don’t own me. You think you know everything, but you don’t. That guy is hardly even around.”

  ​“I don’t know everything, you
’re right. Let’s play some truth right now, Caroline. Where are all your friends? All you do is work, work, work. Where are the friends, huh? You used to be the most popular girl in the entire school, center of attention and life of the party. Look at you now. The only party you have is with yourself. When you got top of your class, they asked you to make a speech at graduation and you played wallflower instead, isn’t that right?”

  ​“People change. You haven’t! You think you can tell me to jump and I’ll say how high. Fuck that. Are you jealous of Emanuel? Have you all of a sudden had a change of heart and have feelings for me now? What, are you going to stand here and tell me you’re deeply and madly in love with me?” I asked changing the tones in my voice to emphasize how ridiculous the notion was that I just set forth.

  ​“No. I could never love you, Caroline,” he said, his tone laced with ice.

  ​“And why’s that?”

  ​“Because you don’t even love yourself.”

  ​I backed up to the door, my arms starting to tremble. I couldn’t believe his words, he could never love me. I thought I loved him, but this was not love. This was toxic.

  ​“Fuck you,” I spat before I left, getting into my car and leaving. What an ignorant jerk, an asshole and every other horrible negative word in my vocabulary.

  CHAPTER SIX

  Corey

  I wanted to go after her. Instead, I lit a cigarette knowing full well I had been doing well in my efforts to quit. Why had I been so ruthless? After a week of not seeing Caroline, I just wanted to be with her. She always forgave me. I half expected her to show up the following day, but now time has passed and nothing. My words were unforgiving.

  I stared at the bottles on the shelf, wondering how she got them down here. Surely, she didn’t go up and down that treacherous staircase with each bottle. I bet she had come up with some ingenious way to get them down. She was a smarty, that one. I missed her so much and there she was, right next door. I guess this is what she felt like all those years ago.

  After two weeks, I started taking my cigarette breaks at the top of the hill, hoping to catch sight of her. She pulled up one day in her car and got out wearing a dress suit and some heels. Her strawberry blonde curls now straightened. I laughed to myself. Who was she pretending to be? It wasn’t her at all. I wanted to go over there, but I didn’t have a reason to. Besides, she hadn’t forgiven me yet. If she had, she’d be coming over here.

  After a month, the tomatoes from our garden started turning red. I picked all the lettuce. It had stopped growing some time ago and I had to grab quite a bit of onion and carrots to make a decent size salad. Did she even eat salad? I don’t know, but it was worth a shot. The cucumbers were doing outstanding. I had to eat one or two a day to keep up with them.

  I walked across her backyard, dropped the salad on her steps and walked back to the top of the hill. This was the time she usually left for work. Within a few minutes she was out the door, almost stepping on the salad and tipping it over. She picked it up and looked underneath it. What was she looking for? Shoot, maybe I should have put a note with it, something clever. What an idiot. She walked back into the house and then reappeared again, locking the door behind her and leaving.

  If this didn’t work then I was all out of ideas. I tried to busy myself as much as possible working on the woodshop. It was completely finished on the inside. I impressed myself. All I had left to build was the furniture. I had made all the kitchen cabinets and countertops by hand.

  ****

  It was past the end of the summer now and the woodshop was fully furnished. I told myself that if Caroline hadn’t come around herself, then I would wait until I was done with the woodshop and go after her. Now it was time. Surely that would make her want to come down here where I could apologize for losing my temper.

  The truth was, I loved that girl. She kept me entertained. She was always all over the map with the things she said or did and it kept me on my toes. I found her so incredibly interesting compared to all the other girls I had ever dated. She craved simplicity, yet she was so darn complicated.

  I mustered up the courage one afternoon to knock on her door. I noticed her car wasn’t in the driveway, but it was worth a shot. Her mother answered a moment later.

  “Mrs. Fitzpatrick, is Caroline home?”

  “No, Corey. She didn’t tell you? She moved out a couple of weeks ago.”

  “Oh yeah? Where did she go?”

  “Oh, some law office in Boston, on Commonwealth. Larson and Doogle or something, I don’t remember.”

  “Wow, good for her.”

  “Oh, it’s not for long. I’m sure she’ll be back.”

  “Why is that?”

  “Caroline can never finish anything she starts.”

  “Really? She finished college, top of her class, right?”

  “Is that what she told you?”

  “Yes. She was a guest of honor at her graduation and was supposed to receive an award, but didn’t go. She didn’t want the attention.”

  “I had no idea. She’s always given me such a run for my money.”

  I stood there fuming. Mrs. Fitzpatrick was incredibly lucky to have a wonderful daughter like Caroline and here she was, acting like Caroline was nothing but a nuisance.

  “What’s it like having a kid you know nothing about?”

  She folding her arms in defense and stared at me for a moment. I think my words caught her off guard.

  “You could ask your mother the same question,” she replied.

  “Good day to you ma’am,” I said, taking off my ball cap and bowing sarcastically. I walked back across the backyard and down to the woodshop. I couldn’t believe Caroline moved without saying goodbye. Ouch.

  I fired up my computer in search of this law office Mrs. Fitzpatrick spoke about. Larson and Douglas, Commonwealth Avenue. I called the number.

  “Larson and Douglas, please hold.”

  Ugh, I hated that. You greet me and then put me on hold. I waited two minutes…three minutes…

  “Hi, thank you for holding. What can I help you with today?”

  “What time do you close?’

  “I’m sorry. What?”

  “What time does everyone leave the office to go home?”

  “Sir, do you have an appointment with us? We don’t do drop ins. You have to call ahead and set up an appointment with one of our lawyers.”

  “I’m thinking of using your services, but I need a law office that stays open later. I get out at five and it seems everyone is leaving the office at that time.”

  “I’m sorry, but that’s when we shut our lights out too.”

  “Okay, thanks anyway.”

  “Have a nice day,” she said, hanging up. I had to see Caroline again. Not today, maybe tomorrow. I had to think about what I was going to say to get her to come back home.

  About a week later, it was time. I just had a good feeling, today was the day. I drove into Boston, even though I hated the city. It was full of all types of wonderful history, but the streets were congested, it smelled like a cat died on some of the side streets and it just wasn’t my scene.

  I found her law office, but I was early and the parking was only for fifteen minutes. I circled around and when I came back, both spots were taken, so I circled around once more. There were one-way signs everywhere. I really couldn’t wait to get out of this place and then…there she was, right in front of me. I was at the stoplight and she was with a man in his mid-thirties. He said something that made her laugh. When the light signaled they could cross on the crosswalk, a young girl about her age looped her arm through Caroline’s and they walked right in front of my truck. The light turned green and the guy behind me honked. I couldn’t get a good look, but I think they headed into a bar.

  I drove on and headed home. She had moved on. She had a totally different life than what I ever expected to find. I didn’t even know that girl anymore and I had spent all summer with her. I let what could have been slip right th
rough my fingers. I was a stubborn man, a stupid one. I should have gone after her that night. I guess this is what regret feels like.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  Caroline

  So here I was, making it in the big city all on my own. I shoved my sneakers to the back of my closet a month ago and dragged out the heels. They weren’t as bad as what I thought. They did look nice. I shopped at our local consignment store for business clothes before I moved out of my parents’ house. I stood in front of the mirror admiring myself. I didn’t even recognize the person staring back at me. She looked good though, sophisticated. I was proud of myself for taking such a big step towards becoming an adult.

  I had taken the bar exam over the summer and I was just awaiting my results. I hadn’t told a single soul about the exam because I was so afraid I was going to fail. It took two days to complete the exam and after the first day, in fact, I came home wanting alcohol to calm my nerves. The next day I woke up late with a pounding headache. I barely made it back to finish testing. I vowed right then and there never to used alcohol as an escape ever again. I didn’t want to be scared Caroline anymore. I wanted to be strong and confident Caroline.

  To help find the new me, I got a job working at a law firm that specialized in divorce. I know what you’re thinking, depressing subject. The truth was, I was heartbroken, and I figured if I dealt with miserable people wanting to get out of their marriage, somehow it would help me see a relationship with Corey was a terrible idea. Hopefully soon I would realize that moving on was the right decision.

  My title at the office was fetcher, but I would work my way to the top. It didn’t take long for the staff in the office to see I was motivated and knowledgeable. See, on my off time I would study divorce laws, custody rights and read about complex divorce cases. I was miserable, so why not read about something that would maintain my mood?