Imperfectly Yours Read online

  ​“You must have been so scared.”

  ​“I hardly remember the day, just a lot of blood.”

  ​“You saved all those soldiers,” I whispered.

  ​“It was the same day I saw my good friend get blown to pieces.”

  ​I winced at his words. Ugh, what he had been through was far worse than anything that came close to my problems. I continued to embrace him, listening to his heartbeat. After a moment, he wrapped his arms around me. He was so cold towards me, distant rather. I imagine he carried just as much resentment towards me as I did him.

  ​“I’m sorry for everything I did to you growing up. It was never my intentions to make you feel like the middle man. I wasn’t a slut you know. I was the last to lose my virginity out of all my friends at eighteen.”

  ​“I guess I had you beat there; my freshman year of high school.”

  ​“Wow, you started early.”

  ​“Yeah, but I just took four years off so it makes up for it.”

  ​“Really? You haven’t had sex since you left?”

  ​“No, that’s not what I was overseas for.”

  ​“Well surely there were soldiers who had sex with the people who lived there. Were there any females who served with you?”

  ​“Sure. There was both, but neither were for me.”

  ​“Wow. Four years, that’s crazy!”

  ​Corey started blushing.

  ​“You’re turning red. You embarrassed?”

  ​“How did we get on this topic of discussion anyway?”

  ​It was then I heard the radio playing an Ed Sheeran song. I loved his music and the way every song sounded completely different from the next. He had become my new favorite artist. I turned the radio up and “Perfect” crooned through the speakers.

  ​“Dance with me,” I said.

  ​“To this?”

  ​“Yes, it’s perfect,” I replied smiling. “Well, that’s the name of the song actually, “Perfect”, but it’s also the perfect song to dance to.”

  ​He was reluctant. “C’mon, like when we were kids underneath the treehouse my dad built us. We would dance the afternoon away.”

  ​“Playing house was your favorite,” he said, grabbing my hand as we began to move together across the floor.

  ​“Oh please,” I said. “I clearly remember you wanting to create a dance floor, dragging those logs around to make a square around us.”

  ​He started laughing, “Oh man, that time you danced backwards too far and fell over that log. Your dress went up and I saw your underwear.”

  ​I was laughing now too. “My mom always made me wear those stupid homemade dresses and when I came home filthy, she begged me to be normal like all the other little girls.”

  ​“She never did build you up, did she?”

  ​“Still doesn’t.” I listened to the lyrics of the song; they were beautiful.

  ​“Don’t I look perfect in my restaurant uniform?”

  ​“I’d tell you yes, but I think you’ve been hit on enough tonight.”

  ​“Devin? Yeah, he seemed all too eager to take me out. What did you tell him about me?”

  ​“The truth; you were my best friend growing up.”

  ​I closed my eyes and nuzzled my head into his chest once more.

  ​“Don’t call him,” he said after a moment.

  ​“Why?”

  ​“Because I don’t want you to. He’s not for you.”

  ​“Because he’s one of your friends? I get it, you played the middle man, I already apologized.”

  ​“No. That guy has had his dick in just about every woman he walked past when we were overseas. I don’t want you going out with him. End of discussion.”

  ​“Didn’t know it was up for discussion.”

  ​The song ended and he went to the radio, turning it down.

  ​“You want to go away with me this weekend?” Corey asked.

  ​“Why?”

  ​“Our whole childhood we talked about all these dreams we would do when we got older. You know, before we grew apart. We never got to do any of them. Now is as good a time as ever. We’re not getting any younger.”

  ​“I can’t. I have to work.”

  ​“Okay. Just one day then? Surely you can give me one day.”

  ​“I’ll try. I do have a co-worker that owes me a favor.”

  ​“Okay.”

  ​“I better get going. I smell like oysters and French fries.”

  ​“Why? You’re going to end up here anyway.”

  ​I looked around, noticing my bed was back to its original spot.

  ​“You’re keeping my bed?”

  ​“Yeah. Where the hell did you find that thing anyway?”

  ​“It was here, upstairs, I brought it down.”

  ​“Those stairs are a death trap! I can’t believe you went up there.”

  ​“There’s a lot of cool things up there, like old bottles. I think they’re the ones we pulled out of the dirt pile in between our houses. Remember after my dad told us where the old town dump used to be? We took shovels and went digging for treasures.”

  ​“I still can’t believe those bottles stayed intact all those years.”

  ​“Want me to go get them?” I asked.

  ​“No. I’ll venture up there someday.”

  ​“Okay. Well, thanks for tonight.”

  ​“Wait,” he said. I turned to face him again. I can’t believe how much he had changed. I was always taller than him growing up. Now, he had at least a foot on me and was much more muscular. He had completely filled out. I looked like a peanut standing next to him now.

  ​“I’m sorry about what I said earlier. I never meant to make you cry.”

  ​“It’s okay. You’re not the first guy to make me cry and probably not the last.”

  ​“I want to let all that shit go, but I can’t have you feeling resentment towards me. I want to be friends again, if you’ll have me.”

  ​“I don’t trust you, but then again, I have a hard time trusting anybody. I don’t want to build my life around you like I did before because I don’t ever want to feel the way I did when you shut me out.”

  ​“Okay. Fair enough.”

  ​I stared at him as I closed the door until I could no longer see him. I was honest, maybe too honest, but that’s what he deserved. I wasn’t going to lie to him.

  I pulled out of Corey’s driveway into mine. I found my mother at the table clipping coupons. Kind of ironic, spending her retirement on some vacation to Australia and clipping coupons for cereal and whatever else she bought.

  ​“You’re home later than usual,” she stated.

  ​“It was busy for a weeknight.”

  ​“I saw Corey the other night.”

  ​“Oh yeah?”

  ​“Yeah. Last I heard your brother said he was going overseas. I guess he’s back now. I hardly recognized him. He’s nothing like what I pictured a full-grown Corey to look like. He’s handsome, don’t you think?”

  ​“He’s okay.”

  ​“I always thought you two would get married, the way you were attached at the hip. Why did you grow apart anyway?”

  ​“I don’t know.”

  ​“Well, he’s all by himself back there. His mother called a while ago and told us she had your father as the contact for the alarm company. In case her house alarm ever went off, he could go down there. I don’t even think she lives in this state anymore.”

  ​“Tell me about her.”

  ​“She was a drunk. She never used to be until she lost Corey’s father. Raising two little kids all by herself. I tried to help her the best I could, but she was frustrating. She’d drop Corey off at dinnertime, not fed and here I was already trying to feed my own kids. Then she wouldn’t be back until ten o’clock at night. You kids had already gone to bed and I’d be waiting up with him. Half the time he would fall asleep and I would wake him when she came.”

  ​“W
hy didn’t he just go down to his house by himself? He was old enough in middle school.”

  ​“He did. I’m talking about when he was younger, about four years old she started doing that to him. It’s like she had no care in the world for her children.”

  ​“Where’d she go? Maybe she worked.”

  ​“She never worked. She got a large payout when her husband died. She didn’t need to work. She would go booze it up at some bar, come here slurring her words and reeking like alcohol. That boy didn’t stand a chance. The best thing he ever did for himself was go into the military.”

  ​“Why?”

  ​“Lord only knows where he would have ended up if he hadn’t.”

  ​“Wow.”

  ​“Surely, when you got older, there was some inclination she wasn’t a good mother.”

  ​“No. I was completely oblivious. She always gave him money to order dinner, so I thought she was a wonderful mom. I mean, she would buy me stuff too and take us with her to workout or to the beach.”

  ​“She had her moments when she wanted to be a mom, but a lot of the time, Corey was left alone. For me, it was like having another child. I’d rather him be with us than down there by himself all the time.”

  ​“Yeah,” I said, trying to digest this new information. “Can you tell me how Corey’s father died? I know he was scuba diving.”

  ​“Heinous,” she said shaking her head. “Nobody should ever have to die that way.” Tears threatened to escape her eyes.

  ​“Sorry I asked, Mom,” I said, moving closer to her and placing my hand on her shoulder. I didn’t know how to console her. I felt uncomfortable.

  ​“If you had known all of them before…so full of life. Corey’s father and his friend had just built their houses and started a family. The wives were close friends too. His death shattered so many lives.”

  ​I didn’t dare push the subject any further. I stood there wondering if I was always going to have more questions than answers. I couldn’t believe how emotional my mother still was years after his passing. I handed her a tissue and waited awkwardly until she regained her composure.

  “Well, I’m exhausted, Mom. I think I’ll go to bed.”

  ​“I’ll be up soon. I can’t handle any more of your father’s snoring.”

  ​I could agree with my mother on that one. My father’s snoring sounded just like a chainsaw. I laid in bed and fell asleep thinking about Corey and what my mother had told me. I was almost glad she spared me the details of Corey’s father’s death. It was probably best I didn’t know. I wondered if Corey even knew.

  I refused to think about his mother as a bad mom. She took him to bike racing every week. She would always let all his friends sleep over. He got the latest and greatest toys every Christmas. I couldn’t think of a single time she ever hugged or kiss him though.

  ​My parents had a terrible marriage, but growing up, I always felt loved. It wasn’t until high school when I started being a little shit that our relationship was strained. I was like every other hormone raging teenager, staying out past my curfew and experimenting with alcohol and marijuana. Instead of forgiveness, they decided to hold it over my head, apparently for the rest of my life, because they couldn’t see that people mature and change.

  ​I woke up to arguing coming from the hallway.

  ​“You only ever think about yourself, don’t you?” my mother screamed.

  ​“Oh, I’m tired of that line. Come up with something new for once.”

  ​“I want a divorce! How’s that for new?” my mother spat back. I checked the time on my phone; it was just after four in the morning.

  ​“Get the paperwork, I’ll sign it with pleasure.”

  ​“You prick!”

  ​I rolled out of bed, grabbed a sweatshirt in case it was cold, put my slippers on and opened the window to climb down the side of my house. I had to move out of here and soon. I was so sick of falling asleep to it and waking up to it. I hated it here. I hated them together. I never wanted to get married. I didn’t understand how two people whom I used to admire so much together turned into an angry, horrible couple.

  ​I rubbed my eyes walking the path. I just wanted to go back to sleep. I opened the door to the woodshop and walked through. The lights whipped on and there was Corey, holding a gun right at me.

  ​“Shit, Corey! It’s me, Caroline!” I shrieked.

  ​He lowered the gun.

  ​“Fuck! I must have fallen asleep. Don’t ever do that to me again! I could have shot you,” he grumbled in frustration.

  ​“What the heck do you have a gun for?”

  ​“I carry it on me every day,” he said, as if I should know that already.

  ​“Obviously it’s me. Who else would it be?”

  ​“I thought I was at my house and I had locked the door. I heard the door open and sprung out of bed thinking you were an intruder.”

  ​“Jesus. Get that thing out of here. I hate guns...I can’t sleep.”

  ​“Your parents again?”

  ​“Yeah. I tried to put pillows over my head, but I can still hear them. I can’t live there anymore. I have to start looking at apartments. I’m just so afraid of growing up. What if I fail? I don’t ever want to have to move back into my parents’ house because I failed at being an adult.”

  ​He shut the light off and walked over to me. “You won’t fail. You’re very smart and motivated.” He grabbed my hand and led me over to the bed. “Here, I guess I warmed the bed up for you.”

  ​“Thanks.” He walked to the door and opened it.

  “You’re leaving?” I asked.

  ​“Yeah, I’ll see you later.”

  ​“Bye,” I said, half hoping he had stayed. I didn’t know what I wanted from him, but I wanted something. I didn’t want a boyfriend, but I could use a friend. I didn’t know if two people could ever grow up as close as we were and get past all the hurt feelings we both had. He was more my brother growing up than anything romantic. Could I even look at him like that?

  ​I don’t think he could ever see me in that way. I wanted to feel like he wanted me, but he showed such little emotion. I had to tug and pull every smile out of him; it didn’t come naturally like it should. An idea popped into my head, there was another bed upstairs. I don’t remember what it looked like though.

  ​I walked over to the light and turned it on. I glanced at the staircase and it did look pretty rickety, like Corey said. It was even missing a few steps. I carefully made my way up there, finding it hard to see. I just made out one leg of a bed frame, so I grabbed at it and pulled. A dirty old mattress came into view, covered in dust and cobwebs. I slid it over to the top of the stairs and pushed it down. Oh, now I remember why those stair treads snapped; it was the last time I threw a bed down them.

  ​I pushed the frame down, just like I had many years before. I climbed down the staircase slowly, paying attention to where I placed each one of my steps. When I was back on solid ground, I let out a sigh of relief and then dragged the frame next to my bed. I picked up the mattress, sending dust into the air and gently placed it onto the bed frame. These must have been his parents, but what were they doing up there? I looked over both beds with admiration. I knew very well they had an untold story behind their existence.

  ​I tossed and turned the rest of the morning, hoping to see Corey before I left to go home, but I was growing rather hungry laying there staring up at the cobwebs in between the floor joists. I sat up gathering my things, no longer caring to scan my surroundings. I walked home and ate breakfast, worked out, took a shower and got ready for work. I had twenty minutes to kill before my shift started, so I dropped by the local hardware store and picked up some packets of vegetable seeds.

  ​Corey and I had always talked about planting this giant garden and I wondered if he would let me plant some stuff in front of the woodshop. It would bring some life to the place.

  I messed up a lot at work. I had gotten Saturday off and was
so excited to get away with Corey for the day; it’s exactly what I needed. When I punched out, I headed right to the woodshop. I found Corey building a couple of chairs.

  ​“Knock, knock.”

  ​“Hey, what do you have there?” he asked.

  ​“A present, for you, two presents actually. Here,” I said, handing him the paper bag.

  ​“What is it?”

  ​“Just open it.”

  ​“Seeds?”

  ​“Yeah, for a garden. Remember our dream garden?”

  ​“Of course I remember, but I don’t know the first thing about gardening, do you?”

  ​“A little bit. My dad taught me some stuff when I was a kid. Want to give it a shot? I was thinking we could do something right in front of the shop since it gets full sun there.”

  ​“Listen to you, you green thumb. Hell yeah, let’s do it! I thought you said there were two presents…”

  ​“There are. I got this Saturday off. It wasn’t hard actually, everyone wants a Saturday night shift. The tips are too good to pass up.”

  ​Just then the door opened up and in walked Devin.

  ​“Hey. I didn’t know you were going to be here,” Devin said checking me out from head to toe with a big smile on his face. He took one look at the beds. I followed his eyes.

  ​“What is that, you two sleep here or something? I thought you said she was all mine because you’d never touch her?”

  ​“I’ll leave you guys to it, I was just dropping by.”

  ​“You haven’t called me yet,” Devin called after me, but I closed the door not caring to respond. Corey would never touch me? What the hell was that supposed to mean? He told me to stay away from Devin and then goes and tells him he could have me. This is exactly why I can’t trust him or anyone. All the time throughout my entire life, people said one thing and did something completely different. I parked in my driveway and slammed the door shut. Ugh, that felt good. I stomped my feet up to my door and then tried to shake the negativity before I saw my parents.

  ​“Hello, Caroline.”

  ​“Hi, Mom.”

  ​“How come you never go out with your friends?”

  ​“I don’t have any, remember? You told me that.”

  ​“Oh, honey. You’re always mad about something. What is it now?”